Not Yet 31
I am not someone you would call a boss babe. I find no real enjoyment in planning my future career and spending all my energy to further my paycheck. In fact, one of the things that my husband halted relatively quickly in my life when we started dating was doing work for free.
That’s right, I used to hang around work and help out or offer advice for no money. The girl who could barely pay her bills month to month doing things for other people with no expectation of monetary compensation.
I’ve thought about trying one of those MLM gigs – and I’ve been asked to join a few because of my outgoing and independent attitude – but I am pretty terrible at asking people for money. Or to encourage them to invest in things that I am afraid is going to cost them a lot of money.
While I find some empowerment in the boss lady songs and vibes – it’s just not me.
Along with failing at being a boss babe, I am not incredibly fashionable. I have a passable sense of style but no one is calling me to decorate their future living room. I am not the most quiet and gentle of women. When it comes to the molds of life, there are not many that I fit well. Or at all.
Which, over the years, has left me figuring out just exactly what am I?
The Paradigm of Christian Women
When I was in my undergrad, I went to a large Christian university. I was appreciative of the culture and the lack of pressure to engage in the typical American college lifestyle, but it certainly had a unique culture of its own. This came out prominently when we had any speakers that were young “eligible” bachelors (because with the Lord’s help and prayer, anyone is eligible – amirite?). One of the fine strapping specimens that came to campus was the then not-hitched-to-a-Miss-Universe (leading to the dashed prayers of many young normal looking Christian women) Tim Tebow.
Typically during our thrice weekly meetings, students had to sit with their dorm blocks in an assigned part of the stadium. This was in part to avoid what happened the morning Mr. Tebow came to town to impart wisdom on all the young Christians in the university. My friends and I made our way from breakfast to our first classes only to encounter a line a mile long forming around the arena. While I certainly found Mr. Tebow to be both well spoken and very easy on the eyes, I was not deluded to think that I had a snowball’s chance in H-E-double hockey sticks with him.
Other young women, however, did not feel the same way.
In fact, a large manicured pack of them were not only clearly parked out in front of the doors since the sun probably cracked that morning, but also carried signs that boasted they could be the Proverbs 31 wife for Tim.
The paradigm of Christian women – that Proverbs 31 wife. It has so proliferated our faith culture that we use it to try to attract the hottie down the pew…and he knows what it means because his momma has been raising him to look for that exact woman. But if we ladies within Christian circles were honest – do we even know what that really even means?
We have used this measurement provided by King Lemuel’s mother to try to define who we are. But do we have any real idea what the measurement is…really?
Sure, she’s a heck of a lot easier to try to copy than the young bride in Song of Solomon (because what the heck does a neck like a tower and teeth like goats even look like? And not all of us are blessed with fawns, if y’know what I mean.) But when you break down all that this woman does…maybe it would be easier to have eyebrows like slices of pomegranates.
Who can find a wife of noble character?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will not lack anything good.
She rewards him with good, not evil,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with willing hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from far away.
She rises while it is still night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her female servants.
She evaluates a field and buys it;
she plants a vineyard with her earnings.
She draws on her strength
and reveals that her arms are strong.
She sees that her profits are good,
and her lamp never goes out at night.
She extends her hands to the spinning staff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
Her hands reach out to the poor,
and she extends her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
for all in her household are doubly clothed.
She makes her own bed coverings;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known at the city gates,
where he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes and sells linen garments;
she delivers belts to the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing,
and she can laugh at the time to come.
Her mouth speaks wisdom,
and loving instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the activities of her household
and is never idle.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also praises her:
“Many women have done noble deeds,
but you surpass them all!”
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting,
but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
Give her the reward of her labor,
and let her works praise her at the city gates.
Proverbs 31: 10-31
The epilogue of 21 verses that women in the church have been trying to hold a candle to.
I think my husband thinks I’m more precious than jewels. At least most of the time. I get that one, right?
She rewards him with good and not evil – I mean, I try my best to do that. Wrestling with a lot of mental health crap, like depression and anxiety, can’t fully disqualify me, surely? I know I’m not the easiest to live with when shaking my poor husband awake at 2 in the morning in the throes of a panic attack. But that’s not evil, so I think we should just check this one off.
“She selects flax and wool and works with willing hands”…. Now we are getting into the whole design and selling stuff. Can’t check that off. And after that, we continue into what seems like boss babe territory. Not only is this Proverbs 31 chick a #bossbabe, but she also never sleeps as she burns her candle at both ends with a sunny disposition.
And from there, the hope of becoming a Proverbs 31 wife quickly vanishes and I sit feeling desperately sorry for my poor husband that he’s stuck with this chump and not the darling of Christianity. With slight defeat, I find myself returning to item number 2 – precious jewels – and erasing that mark.
Today’s Proverbs 31 Women
Of course, I also have a moment of clarity and realize that I am not going to be doing all the same things that this Proverbs 31 lady is doing. What she was doing was thousands of years ago! I am not using a spindle or planting a vineyard within city limits! I have to be reasonable and see that this clearly is a woman that can be adapted to the 21st century.
There are plenty of women in Christian circles who embody these ladies today.
One that is younger than me and killing the game is Sadie Robertson Huff. She got married just before I did in the midst of the pandemic – and now has a little girl, is a motivational speaker, has her own podcast and books, and her husband absolutely adores her.
I could aim to hold my measurement to her – except that no one is asking me to speak often anywhere, much less in front of crowds. And I’m not sure I have it cut out to man a podcast on my own. And heck, she’s way cuter than I’ll ever dream to be.
So I then go searching among older influential women – those like Beth Moore and Priscilla Shirer. They are influential teachers who have spent hours in Bible study, have husbands that love and adore them, young children that rise up and bless them (I could have that in the future, right?). And they are writers, maybe more up my alley.
But still, I don’t think I have the eloquence or life experience yet. I am left hoping that maybe, one day, I could be these Proverbs 31 women.
If I am truly honest, the modern day Proverbs 31 lady I’d love to become someday is Joanna Gaines. An eye for design, the cutest marriage I have ever seen, adorable kids that love to be with them, has her own cookbook and storefront, and now she has her own television network!
Yet, I can’t help but accept that I am probably never going to amount to this babe either. So I am left, one last time, hoping that I can be a Proverbs 31 lady, but left wanting.
And still being a woman, I continue to do what we all do (and I am sure even the Proverbs 31 lady has struggled with) – compare.
What is Proverbs 31?
This reality has left me in states of despair. Feeling like it’s not even worth living up to the Proverbs 31 woman because I am not her…yet.
Early last year, I was reading a post (and I honestly can’t remember who or where) that suggested that the Proverbs 31 lady wasn’t all that the list writes of concurrently. That, like many things in the Scriptures, she exists in seasons.
She was a lifetime of these things. And a lifetime means that she worked to slowly check off the list. It’s very probable that she wasn’t a master of these all on the first try. And certainly not all at the same time.
It is possible that I could have my own television network one day while flipping houses with my jovial husband (my husband and Chip do have many similar traits) – possible but maybe not probable.
But does that mean that I cannot be a jewel of great value to my husband? Certainly not. I need to do this in my own calling and in my own way. This might mean that my flax and wool, the merchants and vineyard look a little smaller and a little different than a podcast or a bible study line. It may mean that my long days of raising babies starts later than Mrs. Huff but isn’t any less valuable. Maybe I will end up having a boss babe venture of my own someday while raising my future children.
Once we know what God has equipped us for uniquely, it is much easier to praise His name and laugh in the face of tomorrow. Which we can all learn to do, no matter what our boss babe proclivities are.
I am quickly drawing closer to my 30th birthday, so in fitting fashion, I can say I am not yet 31. But just like the birthday I am bound to celebrate one day, I can affirm that while I am not yet 31 now, there’s a high chance I will be that woman someday.